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When an intimate relationship reaches the end of the road – whether that be separation, breakup, or in the case of a marriage, divorce – the upset, the emotional, psychological and emotional pain can be almost agonising. This is understandable, since the separation, break-up and divorce can be the death of a relationship. As a result, you may grieve for the life that they have known, as well as the life that is unknown – the future life that you have not shared together. As such, your entire reality as you have known it, may be changing – your home life, your relationship with family and friends and your financial situation. It can feel like a tsunami suddenly hitting you with no warning.

Yet perhaps deep down in your “heart of hearts” you knew that the relationship was coming to an end. However knowing this and doing it are two very different things. Change and moving forward can be difficult, intimidating and scary, despite realising that eventually you would be better off ending the relationship. Furthermore dealing with the practicalities of separation and divorce is problematic, but dealing with the emotional impact of a relationship end can be the most demanding and difficult part. Perhaps you may ask yourself what I do now. How will I manage on my own? – having to make decisions about things I never had to make. Will I ever meet anyone else again? Was the end of the relationship my fault?

Impact of Separation and Relationship Ending

Similar to when we grieve from the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship can bring up and trigger different emotions where you may go into a period of grief or mourning, for what is lost or what has come to finality. Emotions can include – but not limited to:

  • Anger: why did this happen? What have I done to deserve this,
  • Remorse or regret after the breakup: It was my fault. If only I tried much harder in parts of the relationship
  • Relief: it’s finally over
  • Stress and feeling overwhelmed: how will I manage forward?
  • Feeling frozen or numb: similar to feeling overwhelmed but perhaps also not feeling anything due to the shock and trauma of what has occurred for you
  • Feeling powerless: especially for those who may not have prompted and activated the separation, breakup or divorce
  • Depression and low self-esteem: e.g. when you are told by your partner that they don’t love you anymore or to be with you

How counselling and psychotherapy can help with Relationship breakup

Counselling and therapy for coping with divorce, separation or a breakup can help you in whatever way you feel vulnerable and in need of support. It can help you to work through challenging emotions and to come to terms with your new and changed circumstances. It can help you find ways of coming to terms with your “new normal”. It offers a non-judgmental space where you can talk about your thoughts and express your feelings.