Bullying is an intentional, targeted and unwanted negative behaviour which is repeated against a person who has difficulty in defending him/her/their self. This is according to the Irish Department of Education and Skills. As a result there is usually a power imbalance – e.g. where the bully is perhaps, stronger, has more power or authority, etc.

There are different types of bullying, some which can be more subtle than others. For instance it can be

Verbal – continuous name calling, or saying things to hurt or humiliate someone
Physical – pushing, shoving, physical assault (or threat of assault) to you or your property
Exclusion – socially isolating someone, ignoring someone
Threatening behaviour – threatening gestures, glances or messages
Extortion – forcing someone to give away their money or belongings

Bullying can happen anywhere. It can occur face-to-face or it can happen by phone or online (i.e. cyber bullying). In many cases a person may bully another in order to cover up their own inadequacies.

Bullying can be traumatic. It can happen in the present, or indeed it can leave a long-standing and deep impression or emotional scar in the long-term.

Emotional Impact of Bullying

Negative impact on confidence and self-esteem
Difficulty establishing trusting, reciprocal friendships and relationships
Depression
Anxiety disorders
Increased risk of suicidal thoughts, suicide plans, and suicide attempts
Post-traumatic stress disorder
Self-destructive behaviour, including self-harm
Addiction issues

Physical Impact of Bullying

Poor general health
Sleep problems and fatigue
Reduced appetite for food
Physical impact of unhealthy coping mechanisms (e.g . increased consumption of alcohol, cigarettes, medication, drugs)

How counselling and psychotherapy can help with bullying

With immediate and proper mental health treatment and support systems in place, victims can stave off some of the potential long-term consequences of bullying. A counsellor or therapist can assist an individual to understand that their adult perspective on the bullying should be vastly different and more logical than their child perspective. It can also help a bullied survivor to understand that they have given up enough of their personal power. As the survivor has likely internalised the bully’s words or hatred, they may have lost the ability to see their self-worth.

There can be a lot of work in trying to closing the wounds left by bullying. With a therapist or counsellor’s help, the survivor hopefully learns, with baby steps, to love and validate themselves.